Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I think I sprained my soul last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
