I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
