For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
