i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
