So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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