I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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