so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
