I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
is that a dick in a sweater?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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