Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
