I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
