yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
