We won't sleep together?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
