I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
