JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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