So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
