i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
