His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
