my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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