how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
