the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
