after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
