Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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