My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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