it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
