I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
