His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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