u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
