I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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