We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
