I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
