I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
