i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
