so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
