i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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