Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
