Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
