I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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