Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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