paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
