Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
