I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
