They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
