I wish I could teleport
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
