yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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