It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
