i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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