I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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