You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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