We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we're making bets on your personal life
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
