i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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