Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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