Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
